When will this get easier):?

Me and my ex broke up 5 days ago, I think I made a mistake I told him to lose my number and everything, took him off my Fb. The thing is we broke up a month ago before that and talked and tried to work things out and we finally did, then everything was going good the friday and Saturday we were together Sunday he didn't talk to me all day til I text him and he acted like an n we broke up then that's when I told him to lose everything , I mean he didn't treat me the best but I was in love with him&I still am, Tuesday I decided to send him a message and apologized for being a ***** about everything and told him the reason I didn't need him was cuz it was only hurting me more, I reured him it would be the last time he'd hear from me and told him he didn't have to type back if he didn't want too but wished him the best of luck and promised I didn't hate him...now I dnt know): I would think if he loved me like he said he'd come back but he hasn't even tried and I feel like I made a mistake and im trying to tell myself im happy but im really not maybe I told him all that becuz I thought he'd tell me not to leave that he didn't want me too): but I guess that's not happening..I just keep hoping ill get an apology or talked to at least..